Another lojong slogan situated in the life of ancient Tibet: Don’t transfer the ox’s load to the cow. In other words, don’t pass the buck. Cows provide milk, but they are not meant to be load-bearing animals. That’s what the ox is for. So, don’t put the burden that the ox is meant to carry onto the cow who isn’t responsible for it…or shouldn’t be.
In spiritual terms, this is about unloading on others. It’s about making other people do our clean-up work. When we transfer the burden from ox to cow, we relinquish our own responsibility for something by trying to make it someone else’s problem. It’s another deflection technique.
Padma Karpo says, “When you work with others and do the job well you want to take the credit; when the work is not well done and people complain, you blame others. You get completely lost in secretive tactics. Isn’t your approach underhanded? Please turn your mind within and reflect on this.”
The answer, put simply, is to take responsibility. We carry our own load. Whatever burden we’ve created, well, it’s ours to carry.
And while this slogan feels ancient, it’s also vastly applicable to the moment in which we find ourselves. White fragility happens when white people attempt to transfer their discomfort during conversations on racism back onto people of color. For instance, a white woman cries when being confronted about something racist she said or did. The person of color is now put in a situation where they are being asked to comfort a white person over a burden the white person has caused! That’s a classic example of transferring the ox’s load to the cow. When we get called into tough conversations, the compassionate and wise response is to listen openly. We claim responsibility for the harm we’ve caused. The last thing we want to do is put more of the burden on the people we’ve hurt.
We also see this at work in unjust systems that pile difficulties onto those who are already struggling. So this slogan’s wisdom extends beyond just the interpersonal. It asks us to consider how as a society we place the burden on those who are carrying too much already. For example, when the public requires an unarmed Black person to be a pillar of virtue, with a spotless record, and who responded calmly when being harassed by police officers in order for the violence against them to “count.” Or when those who are poor and face financial penalties for paying bills late, just deepening the problem. Or homeless people seeking jobs being required to put down an address to get hired. Honestly the list goes on and on.
One last example: this slogan happens in grief work fairly often. One cardinal rule of supporting those in trauma or grief is not to make it about you. Don’t tell the widowed spouse how much you’re hurting. She doesn’t need to comfort you when she’s the one hurting the most! Find someone else to hold that for you. A maxim we used often in chaplaincy is to support within, dump without. Support anyone closer in the grief circle than you. Ask for support only from people farther out of the grief circle than you. It’s a good rule.
Truly, this slogan has so much wisdom for us. Compassion means noticing who’s being unduly burdened in any given situation.
This week, where do you need to take responsibility for your own stuff? How can you be more mindful of where the burden lies and work toward a more compassionate world for us all?
