Here’s a true lojong slogan for the moment: safety first.

Last week, I invited you to write your own lojong slogan. When I asked myself what I most needed to remember to train my mind for compassion over the next few weeks, the answer felt pretty clear. My husband and I both have big families, and the holidays are a festive time of big gatherings and meals. It feels heartbreaking to consider saying no to all of that. To say no to the memory making and the time together and the good conversation. But when I ask myself, “What feels safest?” I find the answer is clear.

So, this past weekend, we had difficult conversations with our families and told them we won’t be celebrating together or traveling this holiday season. We won’t be hosting or gathering people. Things will look differently this year, because true compassion this year means staying safely at a distance.

I found myself thinking a lot about how making decisions often comes down to a matter of priorities. What you rank first really affects the decision at which you arrive. Putting safety first meant thinking about the wisdom of the CDC guidelines, and looking soberly at the skyrocketing Covid numbers in my state. It meant thinking about the ripple effects our actions could have far beyond our own family. Safety first meant asking, “Could we live with ourselves if we even got one person really sick? Or caused a huge commotion of quarantining and testing because of exposure?” If I had chosen my feelings over “safety first,” I honestly just don’t know if I’d have the same resolve.

My feelings are that I really love being together with family for the holidays. I love carrying on traditions and being the fun aunt ring leader and activities director. Nothing feeds my Lebanese girl soul more than a big buffet of good food and conversation. Truth? This is just so very hard.

I know so many of you find yourselves in similar positions. So many of you feel very alone and isolated, and now can hardly fathom a holiday season that only makes that feeling deepen. I send SO MUCH love to each of you. This season feels relentlessly cruel and grueling and endless.

And also: compassion remains the best choice, always. Compassion for our loved ones, because risking a big get together can come with such a high price. Compassion for our health care workers who are absolutely overwhelmed and exhausted. (Truly, one of the best boosts to my courage was this article on how hard nurses are working to keep people with Covid alive. The numbers have gotten so much better, but I had no idea at what cost to these health care worker’s daily lives.) Choosing compassion for our loved ones and for every community each loved one represents makes the heart feel good. (Even if your relatives don’t make you feel the same!)

It’s a small gift for such a big emotional sacrifice, but it’s worth it.

I share this with you today because it’s helpful to remember that mind training is about clarifying our decision-making process. These lojong slogans teach us how to prioritize compassion and service to others above all else.

Right now, for me, “safety first” feels like the lojong slogan we need as we enter into the holiday season. I offer it to you in the hopes that it may provide you with clarity, too.

Praying for health, safety, peace, and well-being for you all. May we all be well.