Verse 16 encourages us to always choose love. It reads,

“Even if a person you have cared for as your own child treats you as her worst enemy, lavish her with loving attention like a mother caring for her ill child- this is the practice of a bodhisattva.”

We all know the golden rule: treat others the way you want to be treated. But do you know what rule doesn’t exist? If you treat others well, they will treat you the same way. Unfortunately, reciprocal kindness is not guaranteed. Which is freeing, actually, because it allows us the opportunity to focus on the work. And the work is to bring more love into the world.

So, when someone you’ve cared for, mentored, supported, treats you poorly, verse 16 says to respond like a mother does to her sick child. Offer comfort and compassion and perhaps healing.

As a parent, I think a lot about what we expect from our children. I see a lot of parents expecting far too much- and I see the toll that takes on their kids. (We have at times been these parents, for sure.) So we are trying very intentionally to remember that we are the ones who signed up for this job. We chose to have them. They do not owe us anything, though we hope our love beckons forth love. We only want them to live, and be safe, and be happy. As we do all people.

Of course, this doesn’t mean we never offer boundaries. Thubten Chodron says that part of the loving attention we give includes structure and guidance. But we can’t expect people will receive it joyfully or gratefully every time.

This verse reminds me of the lojong slogan, “Don’t expect applause.” It’s a reminder of where to keep our focus. As Dilgo Khyentse says, “A true bodhisattva never hopes for a reward.”

Always choose love. Even if that love cannot guarantee a return on investment.