Verse 5 of the 37 verses tells it to us straight: give up bad friends. It says,

With some friends, the three poisons keep growing,

Study, reflection, and meditation weaken

While loving-kindness and compassion fall away.

Give up bad friends- this is the practice of a bodhisattva.

Sometimes when we get older, we realize our parents were right about a few things. If your parents were anything like mine, they regularly said something like: choose your friends wisely. You become what they are. And it’s true. The people we spend time with shape the kind of character we have, and the people we become.

As Thubten Chodron writes, “Making good friends is incredibly important on the path. Our spiritual heart is the most important part of ourselves, and if we associate with people who value that, they will nurture that part of us.” It’s really that simple. She reminds us that it’s not about people being bad; it’s that our human habits are so contagious. We realize how easy it can be to fall into bad patterns that pull us away from compassion and virtue. Why would we surround ourselves with people that tug at our worst inclinations when we could be around people who nurture the goodness in us?!

Of course, it’s difficult to make changes when you realize a friend brings out less than your best. But is politeness worth your spiritual maturity? Verse 5 suggests that spiritual maturity requires this level of honesty, even if it leads to hard conversations.

Dilgo Khyentse reminds us that it’s not just bad friends we need to give up. This verse also applies to the teachers and mentors we follow. He suggests that we choose our teachers, especially spiritual teachers, very carefully. If they don’t embody the kind of person we want to become, we need to find someone else to lead us. Imagine how the world would change if we consistently chose leaders with integrity.

So this week, as Ken McLeod suggests, “Take a look around you. Look at your friends and associates. Ask yourself: ‘Is this how I want to behave? Is this how I want to live? Is this how I want to be?”